i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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