I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
