I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
