The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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