I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
