i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
