I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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