1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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