I'm lost and stupid without you.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
