if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Me. At least after what I've been through.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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