my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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