hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
