i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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