Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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