so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
