I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
