suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
