I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
