After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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