All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
