Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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