So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
