yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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