We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
