Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
