i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
