Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu

(773): View more from Illinois

which is why it's clearly superior

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(480): View more from Arizona

Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

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(214): View more from Texas

My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.

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(906): View more from Michigan

i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Breakfast tacos?

(1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS

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(416): View more from Toronto

He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times

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