I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
