remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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