Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
