some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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