you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
