i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
