I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
