That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
