I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
