I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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