a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So squirting runs in the family.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
