You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
