I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
