Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
