summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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