I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
