do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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