the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
