John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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