i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
