Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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