The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
