I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
