her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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